Do you live with the assumption that you were saved back in the day? Did you truly give it up to Jesus? The odds are God rejected your confession. Think about it.
Don’t rely on “once saved always saved” theology
Have you missed God’s grace because you missed God’s whole point? What’s the point of “following Jesus” if He is going a different direction than you? To accept anything less than “all that Jesus Christ is and does”… is to stop short of getting saved.