Habits of Love

Love is something you do.  It’s not just a feeling.  Love is always sincere.  And when it can, love is active.  Faking love – is not actual love.  Hypocrisy knows nothing about actual love.

Romans 12:9
Love is to be sincere
and active
[the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy].

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Doing Love.  Your supposed “love” is not really love, if it is not actually “doing love”.  You do actual love.  Love is active:

actually giving,
actually helping,
actually saying the right words,
actually going across the street to help the wounded,
actually getting out of your routine to help your friend move into his new house,
actually showing-up for the funeral, for the living left behind,
actually calling your brother who’s in need,
actually washing those dirty dishes,
actually using the turn-out so the faster driver can pass you on the narrow road,
actually taking a meal to your sick friend,
actually pausing, going to her, and giving her expressions of your affection (or to him…)

Fake Love.  Fake love never follows through.  Fake love is feigning affect (making it up), saying hollow words that have no follow through. Don’t call it love when it isn’t love!  What it is – is wannabe love.  Useless.

Actual Love
… is not: what you really really want to do for that person
… is not: what you intent to do for your mother, your father, your spouse, your child, your neighbor, your church
… is not: feeling warm fuzzies inside, but never following through…

Fool’s Love.  Like fool’s gold, which is NOT really actual gold…, fool’s love is NOT actual love.  It’s fake love.

When love is not really there:

• it is easy to gossip hurtfully about that one
• the “loved one” doesn’t get any affirmations, any encouragements
• I don’t care enough to actually say words of affirmation and encouragement to people
• the ones I supposedly “love” do not feel loved by me
• hurt feelings mount-up and go unattended
• I don’t care enough to break the silent treatment
• I suspect bad things in that person
• I think evil of that person
• I condemn and trash that person
• My self-talk about that person is negative and condemning
• I choose to be condemning, hateful, and unloving
• I choose to be nasty to those around me
• I choose to gossip with someone and speak hatefully about that person
• I choose not to help that person that is hurt and needing my help

Rebound and Love! 
Maybe we’re unloving.  Maybe love has gone missing!  But love can rebound and do the right thing – if you have a change of heart.  You can undo fake love, bad love, fool’s love – – and make your’s actual love, real love.

Hurting and offending, or feeling offended (self-righteous), or feeling spiteful and mean… can be shut-down on-the-spot — IF we choose to actually love that person.  We choose love… or not.

There are many many many reasons NOT to choose love.  As humans we are all frail, and subject to failure and sin.  People can act dastardly or even criminally: cruel, evil, arrogant, selfish, egotistical, thoughtless in their actions, say awful things – make you feel bad.  Some don’t even realize they are hurtful: they are clueless, thoughtless, oblivious, egocentric.  But what kind of a fool really wants a world of not-love?  I choose “doing love” – instead of returning evil for evil.

Habits of Love.  Love is a choice.  I am developing “habits of love”:

• Instead of suspecting bad things in that person – I will choose to forgive on-the-spot.
• What I “suspect” …will be shut-down on-the-spot.  I will not allow myself to get caught-up with bad thoughts.
• Instead of condemning thoughts, I will favor that person, in spite of my suspicious negative thoughts.
• I will shut-down my suspicious negative thoughts.
• I will not allow myself to suspect a wrong, and think ill of that person.
• I will not allow my mind to go over and over a supposed slight committed by that person against me.
• I will forgive that thoughtless comment, that arrogance exuded, that selfish act that hurt my pride.
• I will shut-down thinking evil of that person, and choose to accept him or her.
• I will think of that person’s needs as more important than my self-interests (Philippians 2:3-4)
• I choose not to be self-absorbed, where everything is about me and my preferences, my ways, my rules.
• I choose to be non-judgemental, not condemning, not criticizing.
• I choose to be nice.
• I choose to be loving.
• I choose to forgive instead.

According to the biblical expression of love (in Romans 12:9-13), love is:  sincere, active, devoted, authentic, diligent, “aglow in the Spirit”, enthusiastic, serving, full of hope, constant, confident in Christ, steadfast, “patient in distress”, contributing to the needs of others, actually hospitable, joyful.  Love constantly looks to be better at it! (“continually seeking wisdom, guidance, and strength” -v12)

Every breathing moment is a new moment to choose to be loving to others – or not.  I do not have to be what I was in the past.  I don’t have to be what I was this morning!  I can choose to confess and repent — and be loving now.  I’m developing habits of love!

Jump To It!  I go for love and affirmation of others!  Love pursues what is good for others.  Love does not sit back and sit-out the play.  When “the play” is called for, love jumps to it! (“pursuing the practice of hospitality” -v13).  When there is a need, love actually does something about it.  Love wants to, and does it heartily!  So when you have a loving thought – go do it.

Busy lives have a harder time loving, because there is always an excuse not to love in action, sincerely love.  When you are too full of yourself… you are too full to “do love”.  There is always a reason not to love, when you are too busy.  There is always something taking us away from actually loving.  Are you too full of yourself?  Are you too busy?  What ya goin’a do ’bout it?

“Moral excellence
comes about as a result of habit.
We become just by
doing just acts,
temperate by
doing temperate acts,
brave by
doing brave acts.”
– ARISTOTLE

 

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FOR MORE:

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Romans 12:9-13
⁹ Love is to be sincere and active [the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy]. Hate what is evil [detest all ungodliness, do not tolerate wickedness]; hold on tightly to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor; ¹¹ never lagging behind in diligence; aglow in the Spirit, enthusiastically serving the Lord; ¹² constantly rejoicing in hope [because of our confidence in Christ], steadfast and patient in distress, devoted to prayer [continually seeking wisdom, guidance, and strength], ¹³ contributing to the needs of God’s people, pursuing [the practice of] hospitality.

 

Luke 10:30-37   Amplified Bible (AMP)

Philippians 2:1-17   Amplified Bible (AMP)

1 Corinthians 13   Amplified Bible (AMP)

 

Doing one act of love at a time

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