Good talk is fun! Put simply: It involves your mouth voicing words with your brain full on, your heart tuned to “nice“, and another talker involved – some listening ear understanding you, involved mutually in the conversation.
If there is no understanding – then there is no communication. If it’s not mutual, then there is no “conversation”. The talk then becomes …another thing. Don’t convince yourself otherwise.
Remember, Moms and Pops, when you so eagerly anticipated your newborn’s first words? I remember listening to my baby’s cooing and hoping she would say, Dada, or Moma. Or, Milk. And so it is for all humans through-out their life. We want to be talked to.
Our soul thirsts for good talk. A nice mutual conversation (talk) brightens our day, uplifts us, alleviates loneliness, lightens the burden of solitude, strengthens relationships, grows mutual love, creates memories, jogs memories, stops boredom, informs us – waters our soul.
Some take right to it: talk talk talk talk. Others, even after 60+ years of practice, still don’t know how to “talk nice”. Why’s that? We all want to be the talker that talks nicely, with genuine focus and mutual respect for the ears listening.
Is this me? 1 Corinthians 13.
– Source: This is Love
Got Love?
So what makes talk “nice”? What makes us “Nice” in conversations? Remember the song, “What can wash away my sins? -Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” So also we can ask,
What can wipe away bad talk? -Nothing but the Spirit in me.
Real change is what we all want, to change from being self-centered (far too common) — to “being nice….”
Do not merely look out
for your own personal interests,
but also
for the interests of others.
– Philippians 2:4
Being nice, to the point where even our style of talk is loving — is found in the fruit of the Holy Spirit, working in us, as Galatians 5:22-26 teaches:
22 But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the [l]sinful nature together with its passions and appetites.
25 If we [claim to] live by the [Holy] Spirit, we must also walk by the Spirit [with personal integrity, godly character, and moral courage—our conduct empowered by the Holy Spirit]. 26 We must not become conceited, challenging or provoking one another, envying one another. – Galatians 5:22-26
Life is a process. So, within the process of maturing (sanctification), a Christian should become a great mutual conversationalist. It involves having cultivated and now practicing, little by little, quite a long list of character traits which are “the result of His presence within us”, walking by the Spirit, and having “our conduct empowered by the Holy Spirit“.
I must tame the lion, that dominating spirit inside my insides, that motors my mouth, control my wild and crazy stallion heart.
Remember the time Jesus was harsh, irritated, argumentative, hateful? Nope. That’s because He never was! There is never an excuse for me to be either! Really. – Are you known by your love
Character traits for nice talk: (quoting Galatians 5:22-26)
fruit of the Spirit
His presence within us
love [unselfish concern for others]
joy
[inner] peace
patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting]
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control
crucified the sinful nature together with its passions and appetites
walk by the Spirit
personal integrity
godly character
moral courage
conduct empowered by the Holy Spirit
not become conceited
[not] challenging
[not] provoking one another
[not] envying one another.
The apostle Paul also gave us some hints for healthy, mutual conversations here:
make my joy complete by being of the same mind, having the same love [toward one another], knit together in spirit, intent on one purpose [and living a life that reflects your faith and spreads the gospel—the good news regarding salvation through faith in Christ]. – Philippians 2:2
It takes an intent purpose to develop these and see ourselves actively “being” these within our spirit, and see them in action by our live-a-day talk style:
- same mind,
- same love [toward one another],
- knit together in spirit,
- one purpose
- living a life that reflects your faith and spreads the gospel
Onerous and toxic …another thing
A mutual conversation benefits both the talker and the listener. And both get to talk. Nothing ruins “mutual” like a dominator. Nothing like a critical spirit, or gossiping about others… to ruin good talk. As ambassadors for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:18-21), and because we love by His Spirit, we should have nice talk even with ornery neighbors and sworn enemies.
What makes conversations onerous and toxic? The following can be applied here.
3 For if anyone thinks he is something [special] when [in fact] he is nothing [special except in his own eyes], he deceives himself. 4 But each one must carefully scrutinize his own work [examining his actions, attitudes, and behavior], and then he can have the personal satisfaction and inner joy of doing something commendable [a]without comparing himself to another. 5 For every person will have to bear [with patience] his own burden [of faults and shortcomings for which he alone is responsible]. – Galatians 6:3-5
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor (fellow man) and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven….” – Matthew 5:43-48
“thinks he is something [special] when [in fact] he is nothing [special except in his own eyes]
“deceives himself
fails to “carefully scrutinize his own work”
is obviously not “[examining his actions, attitudes, and behavior]” or worse – does not care to.
– Galatians 6:3-5
Our thinking
We can so easily get wrapped-up in our thinking that we fail to consider there is a brain on the other end of our talking, called a mutual talker and listener. That’s just people “speaking their mind” (Buffalo Springfield song). Excerpt:
There’s battle lines being drawn
And nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Are gettin’ so much resistance from behind
But what it is ain’t exactly clear
Mostly say, “Hooray for our side”
If the talk is not mutual, then it is not a conversation, but has morphed into… another thing, a bad fruit thing.
1. There is no fruit because “They are suffocated with the anxieties and riches and pleasures of this life, and they bring no fruit to maturity”2. There is no fruit because you are not “filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom [with insight into His purposes], and in understanding [of spiritual things]” – Colossians 1: verse 9
Conduct becoming
If we conscientiously seek the Lord in all things, we should see ourselves growing the fruit of the Spirit in our practices (per Galatians 6:3-5). You are never too young, nor too old – to work at applying love to all things, more and more. Love is actually the essence of His fruit in us, and we can apply this in all our talk.
“…live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called…”
…live a life that exhibits godly character, moral courage, personal integrity, and mature behavior—a life that expresses gratitude to God for your salvation], 2 with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another in [unselfish] love. 3 Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful].
Ephesians 4: verses 1-7
As applied to how we conduct ourselves in conversations, we can then…
“…have the personal satisfaction
and inner joy
of doing something commendable” (v4)
Raise the bar
It’s best to grow “without comparing” our self to anyone (v4). Anyone can look good, if they find a “low bar life” (a low life?) to compare yourself with. Many need to raise the bar, and only compare their own conduct with the perfect conduct of Jesus. It is Jesus! He is “the bar” we must equal. “Others” are not our measuring rod.
5 For every person
will have to bear
[with patience] his own burden
[of faults and shortcomings
for which he alone is responsible]. (v5)
Nice talk alone is not enough. We mainly need: Conduct becoming of a follower of Jesus. That is our goal within each conversation we find our self talking. This is now natural for us — so put it on. Again I’ll say:
Remember the time Jesus was harsh, irritated, argumentative, hateful? Nope. That’s because He never was! There is never an excuse for me to be either! Really. – Are you known by your love
FOR MORE:
Act in love towards all people
The Christian’s mission of love every day
Hating is life changing – eternal life changing. Scary thought
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